Will You Shine Or Shred?

My intentions were not to allow several months to pass without posting something new here. Life, however, had other plans. Family, friends and other projects had my focus. I've been thinking about this post since Christmas and New Years. Around that time, I finally watched what would be the last season of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. My wife Netflixed the season, and the DVDs were featured periodically on our TV for a few weeks.

Immediately, I noticed a drastic change in the mood and tone of the episodes. The feelings were transitional, somber, and reflective. Nothing surprising there. After all, that's what to expect when capturing life as it unfolds around the dissolving of a decade-long marriage. This also seemed to be the first season where the show displayed how distracted and off-focus it had become. Was the priority on family, celebrity, both, or merely getting ratings?

But I want to step back for a moment and examine why this show became such a hit with Christian viewers and why some of these same viewers and bloggers felt duped when the couple split and the show imploded.

Merely doing a search of the phrase "jon kate christian" provides a great deal of insight:

Diana Butler Bass writes: "The religious world to which Jon and Kate belong never successfully navigated the gender changes of the last three decades, insisting that happiness can still be found in hierarchical roles of male superiority and female submission.  Having rejected feminist theology, evangelicals can't really navigate contemporary marriage issues like those facing Jon and Kate.  They made celebrities of the Gosselins for being traditionalists, yet that success eroded the very basis of the traditionalism on which their family was based.  Now, the woman is criticized for that same success by an increasingly cruel media and tabloid press.   I just wonder if all those church people will turn on you next."

Jerod Clark says: "Jon said something along the lines that as long as he and Kate were friends, that would be good enough for the kids even if the two aren’t married any more.  Any hope I had about a Christian response to situation was killed with that single comment.  The show was over, not one mention of God or faith from this Christian couple.  Maybe TLC edited out those parts.  Maybe that’s wishful thinking on my end."

Julie Vermeer Elliot shared: "When the first few episodes revealed the earning potential of this "everyday family," Jon & Kate Plus Eight became a brand name that was packaged and sold. And many Christians were happy to comply by opening up their wallets and their fellowship halls. When the network and the couple were not satisfied with the money generated through high ratings and book sales, the Gosselin home was filled with product placements and the children were filmed for long hours each week. All the while many (though not all) evangelicals watched with undiscerning eyes. Somewhere along the line we, like Jon and Kate, seemed to forget the warnings of 1 Timothy 6:9-10:

But those who want to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and in their eagerness to be rich some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains. (NRSV)

Some suspected that fame and wealth were the culprits in the Gosselin's woes:

THE WEEK mentions: "Evangelical Christianity frowns upon divorce," said Daniel Weaver in the Examiner.com, "which means the Gosselins are abandoning their religious principles." Instead of following through on their divorce, Jon and Kate Gosselin should withdraw from television and try to patch things up. "By re-examining their priorities, by going back to the values they believed in when they first got married," they could still save their marriage.

Cathy Lynn Grossman writes: "However, Lynn Roush, a Christian counselor posting at her.meneutics, CTs women's blog, points out that they seem to have jettisoned church, the Bible, and the support of fellow believers as their marriage declined. She wonders whether the "stresses of fame and attention have pulled them away from their greatest love: Christ? "

Yet, of all of these comments one specifically sums up how poorly Christians can be stereotyped and yet accurately reflects our online behavior:

Alicia White shared: "Kate's fans are overwhelmingly Christian, and not the unassuming kind. They are the type of Christians who boorishly and ignorantly assume that everyone they come into contact with, both online and in real life are Christians too. I couldn't help but shake my head at all of the judgment verses quoted from the Bible, as well as other snippets I could personally care less about, because I'm not Christian (shock I know, because all Americans are Christian, aren't they?). Most of her Christian supporters are judgmental hypocrites! The angry Christians did some of the strongest judging. Go figure."


Wow.

So, this returns us to the examination of many fans being Christians, and now with a new layer for review: our behavior.

Christians took to the show because of one thing: family entertainment. Granted, I use that term loosely since many who regard the Gosselin children as being exploited and Jon & Kate as often bickering would hardly call the show family entertainment. But the definition fits many households because the focus was on the life of a family, doing family things, visiting places as a family, and facing many family challenges - multiplied to the eighth degree.

Unlike the television shows of yesteryear, many of today's programs contain themes and language of which parents would rather their children not be exposed. The Gosselins provided the opportunity for many mothers (and families) to escape with a clean show. It was something they could relate to but also with an extreme. Maybe fans' homes were smaller or larger, schedules were more or less stressful, and parental communication was better or worse...but there were relatables that kept fans coming back.

Add to that family under stress wearing Christian t-shirts, placing scriptures on walls, speaking about God, praying at meals, and suddenly the relatable becomes "well, let's see how they're coping" and "there's some encouragement for us there."

Lastly, this program also became popular among Christians because it reflected what many Christians families - even if they haven't thought about it - aspire to be: wealthy. After all, here was a family who reportedly was struggling on many levels; chose to have eight children; was helped by family, friends, and their church; and then a show comes along. Then more shows. Trips and vacations. Fame and books. Tours and guest appearances. Then...boom. Implosion.

Christians wanted to see the Gosselins succeed because they could be an example of how Christians can be successful financially. If the Gosselins could live out their faith in the world and make money, then so could another family! Everyone wants to be financially secure and a family can be blessed in this manner, but there's a danger when money becomes the focus or driving factor for a family. Money can be a distraction and cause one to take their eyes off following Christ.


Now, let's focus on behavior because this is where we as people - regardless of our faith or lack thereof - can shine or shred. When rumors began to fly about the Gosselins, we had a choice: to listen and pray, listen and gossip, or ignore.

For many of us, we did what comes too natural and became enthralled with the latest rumors:

"They can't get divorced. What a terrible witness that'll be for the world!"

"They're supposed to be above all that worldly stuff!"

"What about the kids?"

"I can't believe we watched that show and I read her books!"

Many fans became so attached and involved with the show, they thought they were entitled to an opinion on the Gosselin's lives. This is probably even more true for those who have met Jon or Kate, attended a speaking engagement, or bought their products.

Again, was the focus on God? Was prayer our first priority?

Thus, many Christians took to social media and blogs with frustrations and good intentions. Some tried to bolster the importance of marriage. Some tried to defend the family in one way or another. However, seeing Alicia White's comments, it's evident that many identifying themselves as Christian weren't behaving as such on the web. It's impossible to please everyone and even more so when speaking the Truth. The key is to speak Truth always which means to speak in love.

If you're speaking Truth, people can rebel and resist but you are blameless. If you speak out of emotions and hate, regret will follow you.

Ultimately, it's very difficult to be in the world and not of the world. Living one's faith out in the public arena is a challenge. Some succeed. Some fail. The fault doesn't rest with God or one's faith in Him. The person in the spotlight and those casting the spotlight are to blame. Celebrity is a heavy coat for one to wear but it has so many distractions that can destroy lives. Meanwhile, we holding the spotlights tend to place so many expectations on these people and are dismayed and disappointed when they fail or let us down.

Again, have some perspective. Keep your eyes on Christ. People will let you down but Christ is faithful. Hebrews 10:23-24 says: "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."

Many people may try and convince you that someone isn't worth it - the "it" being your time, love, money, or some other form of attention. But only you know if God is using you in that moment. Everyone deserves love and you may be the person to show it. Often, that's all someone really needs. Your time...your focus...just someone to really listen.

Yes, in a world of earthquakes and famine, disease and hate, wars and corruption...praying for a family the world calls celebrities may seem trivial. However, it's here that you can shine or shred. You can do the right thing and shine...be positive...realizing that these are people, too, and need love and prayers. Or you can follow the easy path and shred their character and name like the World eventually does to everyone.



May God bless you and your family.